The fourth installment of Yamagata Yuka's serial column.
This time, I would like to write briefly about what I felt when I read a book I read some time ago called "The Courage to be Disliked."
However, it is a vague (subjective) opinion, so if you want to know more, I recommend you read the book.
That said, this is just a vague statement, so I cannot guarantee the accuracy of the content.
So, let's start slowly.
Where I work, we value the culture of "communicating frankly."
I know that candor can often be frightening.
I think there are several types of this frankness, for example, children's words are straightforward.
As my niece draws my portrait, she laughs and says, "Yuka, you have so many moles! It's going to end up covered in dots!"
I don't care if it's a complex for me or whatever.
I know what they call innocence, but of course my niece means no harm, so I don't get angry and just laugh along with her.
On the other hand, as people grow older, fewer people will speak out exactly what they feel.
However, when they do communicate something frankly, the response is often either "correct" or "indignant," and when you receive it, you may feel as if you have been hit with a body blow.
When it comes to children, there is no anger, but rather a dry sense of satisfaction that spreads through my heart, but when it comes to adults, rather than anger, a feeling of helplessness often dominates my heart.
One actual episode.
One day, I sent out an email to the team I manage, looking for people who wanted to join us on a special project.
The content was not written in great detail, but rather with a deliberately minimal amount of information, aimed at igniting a spirit of challenge.
Then, two members contacted me.
Mr. A: "So something interesting is going to happen! I'd love to try it, so please tell me more about it!"
Another comment from Mr. B was, "Frankly, with this amount of information, I don't feel like taking on the challenge. I think it would be better to communicate in a way that gets everyone excited."
I received a message saying:
The first feeling is,
> Mr. A That's it! That's it! Your attitude is truly GREAT.
> Mr. B: That may be true. I guess I didn't communicate it well enough...
This is what happens.
The second emotion is
"I intentionally kept the information to a minimum, and among that, I wanted people who could raise their hands and say, 'I want to do this!'" That was my intention. But I wanted everyone to be excited. But getting everyone excited wasn't my goal, so perhaps Mr. B saw me as "a leader who doesn't understand everyone's feelings." I did it to foster each person's desire to grow and initiative, but it's frustrating.
This "helplessness" is the key emotion behind the "way of feeling things" that I wrote about in my third column.
In my case, I have a habit of feeling down after someone has honestly expressed their feelings or words to me, and then worrying about how they will evaluate me.
This is a troublesome emotion.
The first thing you need to do is decide for yourself how you will interpret the words of your team members.
In my case, I was grateful to have team members who honestly shared their important opinions with me. Everyone needs different amounts of information to foster a spirit of challenge. Mr. B gave me this advice because he thought I could become a better leader.
In this way, you can change your perspective to one that will make you feel good and contribute to your growth.
This time, what happens afterwards is important.
In the future, in order for the members to think of me as a competent person who is well-liked by them,
Do you choose to convey information carefully?
My conclusion is that that's not true.
Ultimately, I want to communicate in a way that I believe in.
How the other person interprets the way you communicate is up to them.
I can't be concerned about everything, including how the other person will perceive me, and I thought it would be extremely difficult to even try to manipulate them, let alone worry about it.
Of course, it's important to aim to convey the other person's feelings and thoughts, and to be kind.
It is only natural that you should make every effort and take care.
The outcome is entirely up to the other person!
I personally would like to believe that the world is made up of kindness, so I always try to have "kind conversations," but I don't fully understand how they are received.
What's important is how you want to be treated by others and those around you.
What can I do for others and those around me?
Am I lying to myself when I do that?
I always wonder what others think of me. I want to be accepted by them.
I tend to think about it every day,
My daily life is full of frank aliens,
If you worry about what others think of you, there's no end to it.
At the same time, frankly, it's a very tiring way to live.
I encourage everyone to think about what others think of you, rather than worrying about it.
Please think about what you can deliver to this person.
Maybe the world will look a little kinder.
See you later.
The end
Yuka Yamagata
After working as a textile designer, she was in charge of planning, sales and design for carpets and rugs, and is now an art director focusing on spatial design. One of her responsibilities at work is managing designers. She started writing serials under the name "Yamagata Yuka." In her private life, she lives a relaxed life with her pet dog and a very ordinary husband. She loves Natsuo Giniro's books.